X-COM THINK TANK (Out of Character Discussion about X-COM and the Series)

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Brian

Brian

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Thenlar said:
Adrammalech gives very good advice regarding punctuation and grammar that I won't repeat, as well as tone.

To me, it feels a little... disjointed. It seems like you decided on three major tropes and just threw them together as a history. Step 1) Childhood trauma. Step 2) War hero. Step 3) Framed for a crime he didn't commit. In the future, I would suggest working on better transitions between them. Rather than a straight narrative, if the report-writer is focusing on major events, you could break them up into sections and label them. "Early Childhood." Then next would be "Military Record" and last would be something like "Current Status."
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Thanks.Like I'll make sure to do things like that. :)
 
Meaningofbread

Meaningofbread

Well-Known Member
And remember: if you ever feel your posts seem a bit drab, use adjectives. Describe the shit out of the situation, tone of voice and area around you. Makes for a much fuller story C:
 
MrPegasus

MrPegasus

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My character i created is kinda interesting. After his whole family died in a house fire, he was put into an orphanage and never talks. i wanted him to have that aspect of nobody knowing what he thinks, but also being almost a pshycopath (due to the fire, his mind is all out of whack.) If you guys could critique it, it would be much appreciated.
 
Brian

Brian

Active Member
quote="MrPegasus, post: 5045, member: 820"]My character i created is kinda interesting. After his whole family died in a house fire, he was put into an orphanage and never talks. i wanted him to have that aspect of nobody knowing what he thinks, but also being almost a pshycopath (due to the fire, his mind is all out of whack.) If you guys could critique it, it would be much appreciated.[/quote]
I will,but never talking probably won't make the story Interesting...
 
Brian

Brian

Active Member
MrPegasus said:
My character i created is kinda interesting. After his whole family died in a house fire, he was put into an orphanage and never talks. i wanted him to have that aspect of nobody knowing what he thinks, but also being almost a pshycopath (due to the fire, his mind is all out of whack.) If you guys could critique it, it would be much appreciated.
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Well you had grammar...I just don't think there's much you can do with a character who refuses to talk...unless he talks eventually...
 
Brian

Brian

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summerjuliet said:
Oh my, are we giving application critiques? Mine should be on page 9. ^^
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I only read the first part (lazy) and I think it was pretty good.I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and to be honest a character with a background like that may be interesting :)
 
MrPegasus

MrPegasus

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Brian:

The way in which i want the character to develop is that he eases into the role of XCOM and begins to open himself up to the other characters. This will mean in the early stages of the RP, he would seldom talk. It all just plays into the role of the silent pshycopath/badass role.
 
MrPegasus

MrPegasus

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Ps: Im new to these forums and i have no idea how to do a lot. Im also on my Kindle Fire, so i may not have access to all the features. If anyone could tell me how to use other peoples quotes and basic things, it would be much appreciated.
 
Brian

Brian

Active Member
MrPegasus said:
Ps: Im new to these forums and i have no idea how to do a lot. Im also on my Kindle Fire, so i may not have access to all the features. If anyone could tell me how to use other peoples quotes and basic things, it would be much appreciated.
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Press reply.
 
Brian

Brian

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MrPegasus said:
Brian:

The way in which i want the character to develop is that he eases into the role of XCOM and begins to open himself up to the other characters. This will mean in the early stages of the RP, he would seldom talk. It all just plays into the role of the silent pshycopath/badass role.
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Ahh.That could be interesting,especially if its like events happened in the characters life that wasn't mentioned.I have a few or those planned for my character. Prison break (attempt) punishments,events,certain reasons for hating people from certain countries (Not for me,for the character.) etc...
 
summerjuliet

summerjuliet

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Brian said:
I only read the first part (lazy) and I think it was pretty good.I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and to be honest a character with a background like that may be interesting :)
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Thank you! :D (I totally understand just reading the first part, I think I wrote way too much.)
 
Brian

Brian

Active Member
Meaningofbread

Meaningofbread

Well-Known Member
Brian said:
(Ijust wanted to know if people found anything wrong with my application,what have I done lol)

Good.
(Honestly too tired to type much else....
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Then just relax, and chill out until the the first XCOM video for the season gets released. Check the channel once per day and move on.
: P
 
Riqe

Riqe

New Member
I just saw that we were critiquing each other and maybe some people could give mine a read. It is the first one posted after Chris' post. Thanks!
 
Sypher.Anthem

Sypher.Anthem

Member
Yeah I actually just got off work myself and saw people critiquing profiles so I might read them over again for that. I always enjoyed creative writing so I don't mind ;D
 
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