No worries Frost, I was confused too for awhile. -I'm pretty sure I dreamt last night that she wasn't what she actually is, pretty sure I dreamt that she was dating Ellie with my burned out mind- However, I think Modya has proved her orientation.
X-COM RP THINK TANK (part2)
- Thread starter MarineAvenger
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DarkGemini24601
Well-Known Member
I think I read that post not long before falling asleep and my subconcious was feeling funny.
A lot more than funny it seems we must have some pretty interesting characters.I think I read that post not long before falling asleep and my subconcious thought it was funny.
New post is up and I just want to say it was a short post but I tried to fill it with as much emotion as possible. I need feedback on this. This was a long time coming.
Frostlich1228
Well-Known Member
Alright, that makes sense
It just seemed like she was flirting with Ammelia a bit during their meeting, I guess I was just looking too much into it. :/
No, I can see why you might think that. But it wasn't meant to sound like flirting, more like admiration. She has a lot of respect for Ammelia, but she isn't physically attracted to her. Guess she did come off a little strong. It would actually be kind of funny if Ammelia thought the same thing you did. Food for thought...Alright, that makes sense
It just seemed like she was flirting with Ammelia a bit during their meeting, I guess I was just looking too much into it. :/
DarkGemini24601
Well-Known Member
It was well dome, though I do wonder at times why Desmond fancies thinking he doesn't deserve hapiness or free will. He seems to tend to make himsekf suffer. Hope someone can change that, I'm not so sure my characters can. We need someone nice like...Ammelia, or Jessica.
It is just how he thinks of himself and really the only person who could have helped him, he had just sent away crying.
Well, I loved it. Pushing her away to protect himself from these feelings (and maybe to protect her as well). It's a bit simple, but almost Shakespearean.
Well if only my characters were as transparent as that then this would be boring there will be more of these two I promise.
Hey, I believe you, and I'm looking forward to it.
Taxor_the_First
Well-Known Member
No blame placed. Mistakes are made because we believe they are the right decisions at the time. That's why we call them mistakes. Plus we then learn from them.
At least I hope so. Would invalidate many parts of my life if we didn't.
Main concern is simple paragraph structure. It tends to clump up a bit.
Mind you, that's my only real criticism. I'd like to say that I think you've improved quite a bit since I first hopped on here. Keep up the good work.
Yeah my paragraph structure has always been a little lacking.
That post was a little dark Zombie good job
Dahlexpert
Well-Known Member
Not as dark as season 2 interrogation story when zombie just went off the deep end with it, but it's great as always.
DarkGemini24601
Well-Known Member
I liked what Picard had to say about torture in "Chain of Command." He talked about how his torturer was a weak person that couldn't get over the pain he felt in the past, and that torture was a bad system because it only showed how depraved the torturer was.
"THERE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS!"
"THERE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS!"
Adrammalech
Well-Known Member
Torture, under our own ground-roof? What would some of our more honorable soldiers think?
I love that two parter. A reference to the book 1984, I believe, which ended with the protagonist realizing what a fool he'd been for not understanding that two plus two actually equalled five before being executed. It's fitting if you think of the Council acting as Big Brother.
I'm also reminded of the episode "The Drumhead," in which Picard, realizing a simple investigation has turned into a witch hunt, quotes a line from the lead investigator's father: "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." It is a warning about being too suspicious, and willingly throwing away a person's basic rights for the sake of "security".
Adrammalech
Well-Known Member
It's a little late, but I think it was great, certainly a compelling story. No criticism that hasn't been said, just try to break up the dialogue lines a little more. My english professor hammered that hard into my head, always keep the dialogue lines and the description lines separate as much as possible. There's always times you have to textwall it, but as long as you can limit them, it works out. An example of a change I would make frequently:
to
That kind of change just makes it look more digestible I think. There's nothing wrong with having a long-looking post as long as you can read it quickly. Separate lines for separate speaking characters makes it easier to follow as well.
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